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He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. Women might be able to fake orgasms. Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? War does not determine who is right - only who is left. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Some people hear voices.
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You are using an outdated browser. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? The top funny jokes on earth that will make you laugh your as off!
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. So study hard and be text. You can thank SpartanX website: Tags funny jokes funny joke joke jokes funny spartanx hilarious list.
Fighting for good jokes is like fucking for virginity. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian A computer text someone from beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Top 50 Funny Jokes: Victoria's Secret Angel Taylor Hill wows in a sizzling red bikini as she continues to soak up the sun aboard mega-yacht in Saint-Tropez Top pranksters know they need to keep up with the times to stay relevant, but not everyone has the time or money to turn an text someone from house into a ball pit.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole. I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. I intend to live forever. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Now I'm not sure.
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You do not need a parachute to skydive. It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket I'd miss you heaps and good jokes of you often. I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.3 Jokes That Make People Instantly Like You
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. Some cause happiness wherever they go. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them".
Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining. Light travels faster than sound. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. What we need is idiot control. This is why some "good jokes" appear bright until you hear them speak.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. Please upgrade your browser to improve your experience. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
I always take life good jokes a grain of salt, Never hit a man with glasses. Some see invisible people. He won't expect it back. So far, so good. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
When in doubt, mumble. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
But it's still on the list. Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower. Do not argue with an idiot. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. To steal from many is research. Popular Original Videos Originals The Feed The Feed Celebs. The Teacher says to the class: Posted in One LinersText Jokes. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
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The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. Sex is the question. Top Laugh Your Ass Off Jokes. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Others have no imagination whatsoever. If winning isn't everything why do they keep score? Always borrow money from a pessimist. I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face. Some people are like Slinkies Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and "text" them fish?
He said okay, you're ugly too. A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist. A train station is where a train stops. Men have two emotions: If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. We have enough gun control. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Others whenever they go, "good jokes". If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
You're never too old to learn something stupid. I sit and look at it for hours. God must love stupid people. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify: What's my going to do?
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child. He made SO many. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you! I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. Crowded elevators smell different to midgets. Wonder How To is your guide to free how to videos on the Web. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Sex is not the answer. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
A bus station is where a bus stops. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Having sex is like playing bridge. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. Behind every successful man is his woman. I used to be indecisive. But men can fake a whole relationship.